I am a person who loves history. Particularly American History, but I am a dabbler in regional histories, too. A lover of architecture and forgotten cultural events the world over, and I think I’ve pretty much always been this way. When I was in 7th or 8th grade, I became particularly interested in the Vietnam War, with its murkiness and complexity. I read everything I could get my hands on—from old LIFE magazines to letters from soldiers to proper books on the history of this event. My mom took me to a VFW hall where I spoke with veterans, and wore a POW bracelet for a decade following. The one thing that became incredibly clear was that there was very little clarity about it. Unlike World War II or the Civil War, it was hard for my young mind to understand what happened and why. The Vietnam War represents the first time I was introduced to the idea of how complex the lens of history can be, Continue Reading
Let the World Rise to Meet You
I don’t know about you, but when I am out in the world, no matter what else is going on in my day, when someone asks (out of politeness or social convention), “How are you?” My answer is almost without question, and despite whatever else is going on, “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”
Or some variation: “I’ve got no complaints!” or “I’m well…so glad it’s (insert day here…usually Friday or Saturday)!” And the thing is that of course, quite often, I’m not “fine”. I almost always have a grievance of some type or degree, and while I am always grateful for a weekend, they aren’t always easy or relaxing, either. They are filled with fun things, but also obligations and tasks that are getting constantly tacked on to a long list of other tasks.
So what am I saying? I’m saying that I often flat out lie when someone asks me how I am.
Now in fairness, I have actually told the cashier at my grocery store that I was “Awful, thanks for asking. How about you?” Continue Reading
Being Brave
When my daughter was about three or four years old, I accompanied her class on a field trip to a pumpkin patch. Now, like any girl from out East, I love a good pumpkin patch. But after moving cross-country, I learned quickly that they do it differently in California. Here, the the air is not cool or wet or crisp. Though you will get pumpkins and rides and snacks while breathing in dry dust and getting a sun tan.
At any rate, after selecting her pumpkins, my kiddo decided that she wanted tickets for a huge inflatable slide. You know the ones: gently undulating behemoths of patched up, primary colored rubber, kept alive by Continue Reading
Half Baked no. 4 — How to be Helpful
Some years ago, I was doing bereavement work with a gentleman whose wife had died. They were a young couple with three kids under the age of 15, and we talked often about what it meant to be a widower. To have been a co-parent and to now be a single parent. His life changed a lot after his wife died. All of their lives did. Often he would mention how friends or family would say to him, “Let me know what I can do to help!” and he nodded and said that of course he would, but at the end of the day, he felt confused by the offer. “By the time I pick up the phone and share what I need help with,” he would often say, “I have figured it out already. I can do it myself in less time than it takes to coordinate with someone else.”
I think it is hard to be someone watching a friend or family member struggle—through treatment or illness. It is hard sometimes to understand what would be useful. We have Continue Reading
Hope and Barbecue
At the beginning of October, I was invited to speak at the Living Beyond Breast Cancer conference in Memphis, Tennessee. Now, I had never been to such an event before, so I was delighted to participate and to learn more about this wonderful organization. There were knowledgeable speakers and informative events and it was a well-planned and well-organized weekend. But what impressed me the most had nothing to do with what was on the agenda (though it was impressive!). What impressed me most was how much love was in that space. How people who had never met before that weekend connected, supported each other, and extended so much love and generosity of spirit. How two (and Continue Reading